


Don't Run, Don't Hide

by shiningloki



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Crying, Cunnilingus, Dating, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Fucking, Groping, Kissing, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loss of Virginity, Love, Making Love, Making Out, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Protective Loki (Marvel), Romance, Sex, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Virginity, no y/n
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:41:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22261105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiningloki/pseuds/shiningloki
Summary: You wanted to sleep with Loki, you really did. You were just too nervous about doing something wrong. You had never slept with anyone before and he'd been with plenty of people. According to your anxiety, that was just a recipe for disaster.(Based on reader's request in notes)
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki/you, Tom Hiddleston/Loki/Reader
Comments: 21
Kudos: 276





	Don't Run, Don't Hide

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Anxiety, panic attacks
> 
> I open requests for one day and I already have so many req's to fulfill! Well, here goes our first one! 
> 
> Based on the prompt: (Loki x reader) reader has a lot of anxiety, and to work through that she writes everything down in a journal to process better. Loki and her have been dating for a little bit, and reader is stressing over when they'll have sex. So she writes down everything shes scared of. And Loki being a nosy little shit reads it. When he tries talking to her she gets really embarrassed and tries to run away, but he stops her and says it's okay, that they don't have to do anything she doesn't want, he just wants to talk about it and take away those fears a little. And the list of things shes scared of could include kinks shes into, but to scared to admit. Also a little bit of teasing from Loki cuz that's who he is.
> 
> So, here you go! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

If there was one perfect word to describe Loki, it was nosy.

You knew mischief was in his blood – obviously, he was the God of Mischief. But you didn’t realize that it carried into every aspect of his life. Anything that was closed off to him or outside of his realm of knowledge caused him to spike with interest. Maybe it was curiosity, but you liked to call it being nosy.

It was that very nosiness that caused you to spiral into one of your worst panic attacks yet. 

Ever since you could remember, you had anxiety. You were nervous by nature. It was what caused you to begin writing down all of your concerns and thoughts in little notebooks that you stored around your rooms. You’d gone through dozens of little books over the years and they were one of the best things to help your nervous behavior. Though, it wasn’t a complete cure, it was still something. 

And then, you met Loki. You had heard so many stories about the young Prince. You couldn’t help but overhear the whispers of how ruthless he was, how dangerous he could be, and the vicious violence that vibrated through his core. 

But that wasn’t how he appeared to you.

He had found you having a breakdown outside one day. It was raining but you didn’t care. You were covered in mud as you sat in the grass, tears streaming down your face and mixing with the rain. He paused in his path, unsure of whether or not he should approach you. He stood there quietly, and when you finally noticed he was there, you winced.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, palms out as he walked towards you. You watched him sit beside you, his robes getting covered in mud. He saw that you were shaking and he wasn’t sure whether it was from your emotions or the rain. 

For almost an hour, you two just sat there quietly. You didn’t know why he stayed with you but he did. He radiated a calming aura, and despite the cold rain around you, you felt more soothed in that moment than you ever had before.

When you finally spoke, it was followed by Loki helping you up and leading you inside. He warmed you by his fireplace and changed you from your wrecked clothing with his magic. You shakily explained that a group of snickering nobles sent you into a panic attack. Loki met your gaze with a soft, empathetic one.

“Anxiety, then?” he asked. You nodded. He hummed and poked at the fire. “It’s okay. I’ve got it too.”

And that was how Loki became your best friend. You were best friends for years following that eventful day. He helped you through your days with kind looks and encouraging words. You never told him about your notebooks and what you filled them with. He knew you were drawn to the little books but he had no idea what you would write. You couldn’t find it in yourself to tell him. Instead, you just let him assume it was poetry or some sort of romantic literature you scribbled within them. After all, you always carried your books with you. It was impossible for him to pry into them when they were glued to your hip. 

As you began to learn more about Loki, you began to learn more about what people thought of him. You could understand why people thought he was dangerous – you had watched him train with his brother. He was all swiftness, grace, and deadly maneuvers. You saw his stoic features stay solid and emotionless as he tore through training masters with ease. It frightened you at first, but the moment he laid his knife down, he would turn to you with a soft grin and a gentle touch. To you, he held nothing but genuine kindness.

As you got older, it was clear that you and Loki felt more for each other than you once had. He was your rock and you found yourself falling in love with him. So, when he finally asked if he could officially court you, you fell into his arms and kissed him before you even said yes.

But that’s as far as you were able to go. You could tell Loki wanted you as the days went on. He’d invite you to spend the night with him, and based on the twinkle in his eyes, you knew what he was intending. But you were afraid. You’d never done anything with a man before and you knew Loki was clearly more experienced than you – in fact, you’d heard him in the midst of getting experienced several times. The thought of being with him was thrilling and exciting but it sent a fear of unworthiness and embarrassment flowing so strongly through your veins that your anxiety often spiked up.

On the night you officially turned Loki’s seductive advances down, you swore he would break up with you. He was kissing your neck, begging you to let him touch you, when you told him you just weren’t ready for that. His lips paused on your throat, and you held your breath, waiting for the severing decision to come. 

It didn’t. Loki simply shrugged, brushed some of your hair away from your eyes, and nodded.

“Alright. That’s fine. We don’t need to do anything you aren’t ready to do,” he whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple.

That night, he held you until he fell asleep. You stayed awake, however, wondering why you couldn’t give your body to the God of Mischief. 

You began writing about it in your notebooks whenever the thought would occupy your mind. You wanted to have sex with Loki – you even found yourself dreaming about it – but when the moment came where you could possibly initiate the intimacy, you found your skin crawling with nervousness. 

You wanted to experience that level of love with him. You wanted to give yourself to him fully. Loki loved you. He told you many times before. So why couldn’t you just let go of your fears and sleep with Loki?

This inner debate had been occurring for nearly a month or so by now. Your little notebooks were full of anxious thoughts and wondering concerns. And really, you should have been more careful with those little books knowing Loki’s nosy behavior. 

You left your room one morning to fetch some new reading material from the library and while you were gone, Loki had taken a stroll to your room to see if you wanted to attend breaking the fast with him. 

When you didn’t answer his knocks on your door, Loki’s own nervousness began to pool in his stomach. He couldn’t help that nervousness that always occurred when it came to you. He wanted to protect you and shield you from every worry in the world. He wanted to help you through your hardest moments and make sure you knew you were safe. In truth, if anyone knew how much you meant to him, they would have discovered you were his greatest weakness.

He entered the room, small voices in the back of his mind convincing him you were knocked out in the bathroom or something terrible. He left the door open behind him and searched your room quickly, only to discover you truly weren’t there. That was relieving to him but also worrisome. The palace was huge and you could be anywhere. You could be hurt somewhere. 

Loki started walking back towards your door when he noticed a small green notebook lying flat on your bed. He recognized it as a gift he gave you three years ago and his heart swelled in his chest.

Curious by nature, Loki couldn’t help but wander over to look at the book. He could tell it had gone through some significant usage due to the stretching of the spine and the scratches on the cover. Loki glanced around the room once more before picking up the book. He ran his thumb over the hard cover slowly. Then, he opened it, overly curious to see what you had filled his gift with.

What he saw almost made him cry.

The pages were filled of your nervous thoughts. In ink across the tan parchment were anxious words scribbled by a shaking hand. He could tell you wrote these words while you were panicking and it made his chest clench.

He knew he shouldn’t have read your private thoughts but when he saw his name, he became too hooked to stop. His jaw dropped as he read over your thoughts of sleeping with him and how badly you wanted it. He read about how scared you were to mess up but also how curious you were to try different things.

When he got to that part, Loki’s eyes widened and he felt his cock stirring. You certainly had a creative mind, he’d hand that to you.

“Love? What are you doing in here?” Your voice came from behind Loki. He shut the book quickly and turned, so startled by your sudden presence that he forgot to magic the book away. When you saw what he was holding, you sucked in a sharp breath. “Loki…”

“Darling, I can explain,” Loki said, placing the notebook back on your bed. You began shaking, your palms filling with beads of sweat. You began backing away but Loki came closer, causing your heart to beat faster and faster.

“You…” you whispered. You couldn’t even form any words. Your mind couldn’t process that Loki had just read everything you thought about sleeping with him. Your throat was tightening and it was getting harder to breathe. 

“Hey, come here. Let’s just talk this out, yeah?” Loki held his hands out towards you, palms facing upwards, like he had so many times before. This time, however, you couldn’t find it in you to take his hands. 

So, you ran.

You bolted down the corridors without looking back. You could hear your heart pounding in your ears almost as loudly as your feet were beating against the marble floor. You didn’t know where you were going but you had to get away. 

You ended up in the courtyard. The rain was picking up as you fell to the ground, dress sloshing in the mud and your hair sticking to your face. You clutched your chest and tried to let your sobs grow quieter but they wouldn’t subside. You sat there for a few minutes before hearing the wet slopping of footsteps approaching.

“Darling.”

You looked up to see Loki standing above you, his own hair clinging to his cheeks and neck. You stared at him, your lips trembling. He sighed and took a seat beside you on his knees.

“Isn’t this familiar?” he asked, looking down at you with a small smile. You blushed but turned away, not saying anything. Loki swallowed a lump in his throat and placed his hands in the mud. “May I touch you?”

“Yes,” you whispered.

Loki reached forward and pressed his hands to your shoulders, testing the waters. When you didn’t flinch or pull away, Loki pulled you against his chest. The moment your cheek hit his wet clothes, you began to cry again. Loki simply held you, his body cool in the rain. You snuggled up to him, smearing your tears on his clothing.

When you finally began to calm down, Loki brushed his hand down your back. “Let’s get you inside, love. You’ll get sick if you stay out here.”

You didn’t answer. You just let Loki pick you up and cradle you against his chest. You shut your eyes as he carried you back to the palace, disguising you with magic so no one would see you in your wet and muddy state. He took you to your own room, knowing that being amongst your surroundings would help calm you more. 

He placed you onto a pile of blankets and furs on the ground beside your fireplace. He lit the fire before grabbing a towel from your bathroom. He began drying your hair slowly as you attempted to even your breathing.

“Can we talk now?” he asked softly. 

“I guess,” you murmured with a shrug. Loki placed the towel down and scooted himself so he was sitting in front of you. He took your hands in his and began rubbing slow circles over your knuckles.

“Let me start by saying that I apologize for prying into your private affairs. I had no knowledge of the contents of that book. I just can’t help but poke around for secrets, I guess,” Loki chuckled. You couldn’t help the tiny smile that formed on your lips. Loki cleared his throat and shook his head, squeezing your hand softly. “Regardless, I’m sorry.”

“The God of Mischief apologizing? Never thought I’d see the day,” you breathily mumbled. Loki laughed and you watched the fire reflect in his eyes.

“Nor did I. It seems you are the exception, my dear,” Loki purred, lifting your hand to place a kiss on your wrist. “Am I forgiven?”

“This time, yes. You didn’t know what was in there. I never even told you about my journals, anyway,” you said with a light shrug. “But this can never happen again. Those books are private, Loki. I mean it.”

“I understand,” Loki affirmed. He paused and sat back a bit. “Can you tell me about these journals?”

You sighed and chewed on your lip. “I began writing in notebooks when I was younger to calm my anxiety. I have countless notebooks just filled with thoughts.”

“And this notebook just happened to be filled with…” Loki trailed off, not sure if he should mention its contents. You blushed and looked down at your conjoined hands.

“Yes. It’s about us,” you explained. 

“Why did you not tell me these concerns before?” he asked.

“I didn’t want you to judge me. I didn’t want to make you upset,” you said quickly, tears welling in your eyes again. Loki hushed you and slid forward, moving his hands so they could press against your cheeks. You shut your eyes and let a few stray tears fall.

“You could never do such a thing,” Loki cooed. “Darling, look at me.” You opened your eyes and looked into Loki’s. He smiled a bit before speaking. “I’m not upset at you for not wanting to be with me intimately. I know you aren’t ready. That’s okay. I told you once you were ready, to let me know. We don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. I’d wait an entire lifetime for you.”

“Loki, thank you,” you managed to say. “But I do want to have sex with you. I just…I’m so afraid of messing up.”

“Why do you think you’d mess up?” Loki asked, one eyebrow raised upwards. 

“Because you…I…ugh. Loki, you’ve done all this before. You’ve been with women before. I’ve…I’ve never done anything,” you whimpered. Loki fluttered his eyes shut and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. You melted against him, your hands coming up to clutch his shirt. When Loki pulled back, you eyed him carefully.

“My love, we have all been someone’s first. We have all been inexperienced at one point. That does not mean I will love you any less,” Loki breathed out. His fingertips danced lightly over your cheeks. “You are mine. It is my job to love you and care for you. I refuse to let these sour, untrue thoughts plague your mind in such a way.”

“You really mean that?” you asked. 

“I do.” Loki let out a tiny grin. “I’m the God of Lies with everyone but you.”

“God of Nosiness, more like it,” you snorted.

“I think it worked out in our favor,” Loki commented. You lifted a brow and he chuckled. “My nosiness led us to have this conversation.”

“I mean, you do have a point.”

“It also led me to making some interesting discoveries about you and your…possible interests.”

A blush burned on your cheeks. “Oh?”

“Mhmm. Ropes and chains, darling? Oh, how I’d love to try that with you,” Loki chuckled. You bit your lip and looked away.

“I’m not…I’m not ready for that, I think.” You felt Loki’s finger under your chin. He forced your head to turn and look at him. In his eyes was a calming and gentle gaze.

“That’s fine. I’m just teasing you, dearest. We can wait however long you need,” he said with a small, genuine smile.

It was then that you realized how much Loki truly cared for you. This was a man who was used to getting what he wanted when he wanted. He was used to living a life of pleasure and lust. But for you, he had shoved that aside in favor of love. He was being patient with you, he was understanding. He wanted you to feel comfortable. He had put you before himself so many times without any hesitation.

You swallowed a lump in your throat and surged forward, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his. Loki let out a shocked noise but relaxed into the kiss. His arms found their way around your waist as he held you to his body, his clothes still slightly damp from the rain. You kissed him until you were breathless, and when you pulled away, you made up your mind.

“I’m not ready for the ropes and the chains but…I think I’m ready to try,” you uttered quickly. Loki stared into your eyes, his brows furrowed and his hands resting lightly on your hips.

“Darling, what are you trying to say?” he asked.

“I’m saying that I want to be with you. I want to try making love,” you said, your cheeks flushed. Loki reached up and pushed some hair away from your face.

“Please tell me you are doing this because you want to and not just to please me.” You shook your head, confirming that this was because you wanted it. Loki nodded and pulled you closer. “Alright. But if at any point you feel any discomfort, you tell me and we will stop. Understand?”

“Yes,” you breathed out before leaning in to kiss him again. Loki gently held you, kissing you softly and intimately. You could feel his love in every slide of his lips and grind of his hips. You could feel his cock getting hard beneath you. There was a heat pooling between your thighs and you felt yourself becoming slightly anxious. You froze in Loki’s arms and he began cooing, holding you to his body and running his hands up and down your form.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked.

“I want it. I want you,” you affirmed.

“We’ll take this slow, I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you. I love you,” Loki whispered, dragging his lips up and down your neck.

“Thank you, Loki. I love you too.”

Loki then placed you on the furs beneath you. Slowly, he pulled your clothes from your body. He left kisses and licks in the wake of your clothing, comforting your still-damp skin with his mouth. With every layer that came off, you felt both nerves and excitement prickle within you. Loki assured you that he loved you and wanted you with every movement of his body against yours. 

You reached up, your hands fumbling with his clothing. You wanted to see him naked. You had imagined how he would look beneath his clothing for so long. Loki placed his hands over your shaking ones and helped you strip him. As his clothes came off, you knew you wanted him. You wanted this so badly. He was so beautiful.

The firelight reflected off of his skin, causing his paleness to glow in the room. His hair was mostly dry as you ran your fingers through it. He preened, his eyes fluttering closed and a throaty groan releasing from his mouth. The wetness between your legs increased and you decided that his moans were the most beautiful thing in the world. 

You pulled Loki down to kiss you again. As his lips touched yours, Loki’s hands moved up your body to grope your breasts. You gasped, shocked at the pleasure of the sensation, and you pressed up against his palms. Loki sighed into your mouth, his hands rubbing and rolling over you. Loki pulled his lips from yours and pressed a soft kiss to your nose.

“Perfection,” he whispered. You blushed and turned your face into the furs. Loki kissed your cheek. “Look at me, darling. I want to see your beautiful face.”

“You’re such a romantic,” you teased. Loki smirked as you looked back at him.

“Perhaps. Only for you,” Loki purred. “Now, I’m going to touch you. Is that alright?”

“Yes. Please,” you gasped out. Loki removed his hands from your breasts and let his fingers glide down your stomach. When he reached your core, Loki spread your thighs slowly and took in the sight of you. His cock was hard between his legs and you noticed it bobbing slightly in desperation. The sight was so erotic that your cunt flooded with another wave of wetness. As his fingers danced over your core, you froze. “Loki?”

“What is it, love?” Loki asked, his hand back to resting on his own thighs. You shuffled nervously and jutted your chin towards his cock.

“Is it going to hurt?” you asked. You couldn’t help but wonder – his cock was huge. There was no doubt you’d be in pain. Loki’s eyes softened and he rested his hands on your calves now.

“The honest answer is yes, it probably will. This is your first time ever doing this. But I promise I will make you feel so much pleasure that the initial pain won’t last long. Do you trust me?” 

“Always.”

“We can always stop. Remember that,” Loki noted. “I’m going to touch you now.”

With that, Loki ghosted two fingers up to your cunt. He rubbed them over your clit, earning a whimper from you. You bucked against his fingers as Loki slowly dragged them over your slick folds. He kept rubbing you as he slowly came closer to your pussy with his face. He watched you the entire time, trying to memorize your body signals. 

Your body was reacting beautifully to his touches. He could tell you wanted more based on the grinding of your hips and the tiny pants coming from your lips. Slowly, Loki slid a single finger into your hole. You froze and opened your eyes, staring down at him. He curled his finger, pumping it in and out of your body.

“How does that feel?” he asked.

“So good,” you whimpered. Loki smiled and pressed a kiss to your inner thigh. You tossed your head back and moaned out his name as he continued to pump his finger in and out of you. When he began to add a second finger, Loki connected his mouth to your clit. You gasped and gripped the furs beside you, Loki’s attentions and the fire causing a thin sheen of sweat to glisten on your skin.

“You’re so beautiful,” Loki whispered before licking at your clit again. His fingers moved within you slowly spreading apart to help open you up. 

“Loki, it feels so good,” you panted. You ground your hips down, and when Loki’s fingers hit an extremely sensitive spot within you, you tossed your head back and whimpered. “Wh-what is that f-feeling?”

“I think you need to cum, sweetness,” Loki purred. His tongue circled your clit and he fluttered his eyes shut, enjoying the flavor of you on his tongue too much. He had dreamed of what you would taste like for so long, and now that you were finally here, he wanted to savor it. When his eyes opened again, you were staring down at him, waiting to find out what to do. “Just let go, darling. Let yourself feel pleasure.”

And you did. Your abdomen tightened and then loosened and you felt a spike of pleasure blossom within you. You gasped out Loki’s name as your fingers tangled into the furs on the ground. You heard nothing but Loki’s groans and the crackling fire as you came down from your high. Loki crawled up your body and pressed a warm kiss to the pulse in your neck.

“That was incredible,” you gasped out. You turned to face him and you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Make love to me, Loki.”

“It would be my greatest honor,” Loki said. He wrapped his hand around his cock, pumping it a few times, before lining up with your hole. “Keep your eyes on me. I’m going to take care of you.”

“Okay. I’m ready,” you managed to say between your nervous breaths. Loki leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. As his lips brushed your skin, you felt the head of his cock penetrate your body. Your body tensed and Loki’s hands rubbed over you. 

“It’s going to be okay. Just relax. We can stop whenever you need to,” Loki whispered while pushing his cock in further. 

“No, I want to keep g-going,” you stuttered. “Please, Loki.”

“I’ve got you, darling,” Loki said. Finally, his cock was fully in you. The pain was sharp and throbbing, but there was a hint of pleasure lurking beneath the surface. You squirmed, trying to adjust to the heavy pressure sitting inside of you. Loki was taking deep breaths and you could tell he was trying to go slow just for you. You tilted your head up to kiss him, a silent ‘thank you’ for his consideration.

And he stayed like that for as long as you needed. Finally, after some long, calming breaths, the pain faded and left pleasure in its wake. You looked up at Loki and pressed your hand to his cheek. “I’m ready.”

Loki kissed you slowly and sensually as he pulled his cock out and thrusted back in. He groaned out your name and dragged his hands down your body. On that pile of furs, Loki made love to you. His hips moved carefully. Each of his movements was calculated solely for your pleasure. His cock was hitting every right spot inside of you and you were overwhelmed with pleasure. 

When tears began leaking from your eyes, Loki stopped. “Are you okay, love? Am I hurting you?”

“No, no I’m fine. I just feel so good,” you cried with a smile. “I love you.”

“I love you endlessly, darling.” Loki sealed his lips to yours and continued his loving and passionate thrusts. His lovemaking was full of emotion and consideration. You had never felt so good in your life. His cock was large and heavy inside of you and dragged over your walls in a way that had you seeing stars.

“I-I think I need to cum again,” you whimpered, your hands tangling in his hair. You watched the light from the fire dance along his cheek, causing his eyelashes to cast deep shadows over his cheekbones and nose. 

“Do it, dearest. Cum for me. You’re so perfect,” Loki hummed as he moved one hand down to circle your clit. You arched your back and Loki’s other hand came up to unravel one of yours from his hair. He then held your free hand in his, kissing your fingers as he brought you to the edge. 

When you came, you squeezed his hand and called out his name, those pesky tears falling from your eyes. Loki continued to fuck you slowly through your orgasm, kissing your tears away and licking up the wet paths they formed. Then, Loki hit his own high and with a deep, lustful sigh of your name, he came inside of you. His cum coated your walls and filled you with such warmth that it caused another smaller, yet just as intense, orgasm to ripple through you again.

“Are you okay?” Loki asked, slowly pulling his cock from your spent hole. He fell beside you and took you into his arms, his hand still locked with yours. 

“I’m perfect,” you giggled.

“Yes, you are,” Loki confirmed with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and slapped his bare chest and found yourself startled at the solidness of it. You took a moment to admire it by pressing your hand to his pectorals again with a hum. Loki watched you drag your fingers over his skin with curiosity. “Little one? What are you doing?”

“Admiring what’s mine,” you said simply. You paused and looked up at him. “I’m so happy you’re mine.”

“I’m honored to be yours, darling,” Loki said as he pressed his lips to the top of your head.

“Thank you for listening to me and taking things slow. It means a lot,” you mumbled as you cuddled into his chest. 

“There’s no need to thank me. You deserve the world,” Loki said, running his fingers along your bare back. Suddenly, he smirked. “You also deserve some ropes and chains too.”

You laughed, a blush covering your cheeks, as you settled against him, content and warm beside the fire with the man you loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always loved and appreciated!
> 
> Fic requests are OPEN! To request, either comment below or shoot me an ask/message on my tumblr @ shiningloki !


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